Officer Goodbody
by hermionesmydawg
Summary: Deeks and Kensi both have to relive the past when Deeks is forced to go undercover as a stripper. Set in late season 4. One-shot.


**Originally from a prompt on Tumblr. As usual, I don't own anything associated with this show. If I did, Deeks would do a lot more dancing and wear a lot fewer clothes more often. Set in late season 4, before Kensi finds out about Monica or before Deeks kisses her.**

* * *

"Whawhawhhyy would you suggest that, Hetty?" Deeks gulps deeply. "I mean, it's not that I'm not comfortable with my body-" Kensi's laughter is drowning out his feeble attempt at acting completely okay with his new assignment. "Really? Do you think I'd be laughing if you had to...no wait, that would be awesome, I would be laughing my ass off- OW."

"Ms. Blye, your partner will need back up," Hetty continues, and Kensi tries to put on a straight face.

"Oh, he'll be backing something up," Sam jokes.

"She'll definitely need to be there to cover his ass," Callen adds.

Kensi raises her hand. "Does he get a stage name?"

"Officer Goodbody."

"Hung Jury."

"Ooh ooh, Goldicocks!"

Deeks glares at the entire room. "Funny. You guys are hilarious."

Sam shrugs. "We know."

"Ahem." The entire team hushes again and stares at the tiny woman demanding their attention. "As I was saying. Ms. Blye will go in as a customer, and a very jealous customer at that. We should be able to take advantage of the target's weakness. This woman, La Veuve Noire, is not only dangerous but is quite fond of her men. Blonds in particular." Deeks pouts and rubs his shaggy hair in response.

"So you're saying I have to watch Deeks dance the whole time?" Kensi asks, voice cracking slightly. Hetty stares at her as if the answer is obvious. "Oh."

"Is everybody clear on their roles?" Hetty asks, crossing her arms over her chest in a false attempt to appear serious. The twinkle in her eyes gives her away, however.

"Clear," Sam and Callen answer jovially.

"Clear," Kensi mutters, far less excited about this operation than before.

"I get to keep any tips right?" Deeks asks Hetty on the way out the door. "I'm going to take your lack of an immediate no as a yes."

Kensi is walking quickly away from her partner, hoping he won't see the embarrassed look on her face. Unlucky for her, he can read her mind. "Hey Kens, wait up! Officer Goodbody needs help finding his tearaway police pants!"

"Shut up." Kensi is walking faster and faster to get away from her unrelenting partner, but he's not letting her get away that easily.

"You know women love men in a uniform..."

"I said, shut up."

"You remember the rules, right? You can look but you can't touch."

Kensi groans loudly. This is going to be a long mission.

* * *

She feels a little dirty, even though this is definitely not the first time she's been in an establishment of the adult variety like the one she is currently sitting in, aptly named "Dick's". Kensi will never admit to Deeks or anyone else, but a long time ago she went to a few strip clubs after Jack left her feeling alone and depressed. After swearing off all men and locking herself in her apartment for months on end, some friends from college flew in one weekend to see her and stage an intervention. Or a "mantervention" as they called it.

It was that night that made her realize that brown hair like Jack's was overrated, and blond men soon became her flavor of choice; another fact she will never share with Deeks. Thinking about that first night out of the comfort of her home and pajama pants reminds Kensi again of the warm feeling that spread through her when the blond adonis had straddled her lap and lightly traced a finger up her arm, awakening a part of her that had died long before Jack disappeared from her life under the cover of night.

Speaking of undercover; Deeks is in the back of the club, waiting for his shot to drive the women in the audience wild. The club is dark and intimate, and isn't really set up like most of the strip clubs Kensi used to frequent. This place is for big money spenders, and the men aren't on stage; they're in the crowd. She has been relatively unimpressed by most of the dancers this evening thus far. While they have been talented, she wasn't excited to have Tarzan in a loin cloth hump her face. Judging from the moaning and groaning she can hear in her earpiece, her partner is still less than thrilled with this assignment as well. "What's wrong now, Deeks?"

"His g-string must be too far up his butt," Sam comments quietly from his post as the door.

"We could trade places, Sam."

"Nah," Sam replies casually. "The ladies love me too much. I don't want to have to fight them off at the end of the night."

"More like you don't want to break a hip," Deeks counters.

"You're no spring chicken either, Deeks. You might want to do a few extra lunges to loosen things up before you tear something other than your pants," Callen chimes in from behind the bar. "Kensi, are you within ear-shot of the target?"

"Yeah, I've got eyes and ears on her. She's been talking the whole time we've been here, either to her associate or on the phone. She hasn't said anything we don't already know." Kensi glances inconspicuously at the the raven haired woman to the right of her. The Black Widow, her code name as translated in English, is in Los Angeles to negotiate an exchange of goods between a Senegalese radical group and a homegrown cell in LA that has already been on their radar for a while. NCIS, and every other alphabet agency are hoping to stop the meeting before it stops. If they're unsuccessful in stopping it, they at least want to have ears in the meeting. Enter Deeks.

"How you doing out there, partner? Anxiously awaiting a real man to rock your world?"

Kensi rolls her her eyes. "You sound awfully confident for someone who's been whimpering and whining in my ear for the last hour."

"Just working my nerves out. I'm a professional, I can do anything my job requires of me."

"You should be working the rust out."

"What does that mean?" Callen asks.

Deeks coughs loudly. "Means nothing."

"Did you go get a bikini wax before this?" Kensi teases.

"I'd rather not talk about it. And hopefully I can get this bug planted and you can do what you do best before anybody in this club finds out the answer to that question," Deeks answers. Despite his best attempts to act cool, he still sounds nervous.

"Dear God, yes please," Sam says.

The room suddenly plunges into darkness, the only lights being at the emergency exits. "Guys?" Kensi asks, panicked. "What just happened?"

A small light shone next to the back wall where the dancers have been entering the room. That's when she sees Deeks dressed in a tight police uniform, complete with sunglasses, hat, handcuffs, and a very long black flashlight he's using to 'search' the crowd. A part of her wonders if this ironic routine is actually the one he used to perform back in college, and her mind starts to imagine what that complicated man was like back then. For all of their talking and bantering, they rarely ever reveal personal truths to each other. Maybe some day she'd get up the nerve to ask him about it.

Lost in her daydream, she almost forgets what is going on around her. There is music playing but it just sounds like an extended intro to a song that she vaguely recognizes. Deeks has now made his way into the small circle of women, and he's pointing his flashlight at everyone with a somber look on his face. He finally settles his attention on the older blond woman to the left of her. She's mentally telling herself not to notice how firm his thighs and ass look in his tight pants, or stare at his arms and the curls of his hair poking out from under his police hat.

Kensi's breath catches in her throat and her heart is pounding as she watches her partner look the woman up and down with his flashlight before using the long black object to spread her legs provocatively, dropping to the ground in front of her. Forgetting that her ear bud is still turned on, she mutters "Oh my God" under her breath.

"I'm not even watching," Callen's voice rings in her ear.

Deeks smiles up at the woman, who is giggling like a schoolgirl. "You look good to me." Gliding his body up through her legs, he coaxes her to pull his shirt open while he straddles and gyrates slowly against her legs before blowing her a kiss and moving on to his next suitor.

Her brain is practically shouting please skip me, please skip me, please skip me. The smug look on his face as he sways to her chair says that he has no intention of passing over her. "Don't even think about it," she whispers.

Deeks stops at her seat and untucks the rest of his shirt while eyeing her suspiciously. "This is one, though, she looks like she's been bad don't you think?" He hollers to the small crowd, most of whom clap in agreement. Kensi glares at his face so that she won't look at his exposed chest and abs, but he is unfazed by her angry stare. "On your knees."

"What?" Kensi blinks in confusion at the ordinary phrase she hears come out of her partner's mouth on a very regular basis. It will probably never sound the same to her again after this night.

"On your knees," he repeats more forcefully, motioning to the floor with his flashlight.

Smiling nervously, because she is supposed to be enjoying this after all, she stands up and slowly kneels down on the ground in front of her partner. Now her brain is shouting many, many more things at her: _don't stare, he has a happy trail of blond hair, he has that nice curve at his hip bone, God she loves when men have that curve it is so amazing, he's a little sweaty already, and oh my God what is he going to do_. He pulls his sunglasses down low on his nose and stares down at her so she stares right back up at him. They're both a little uncomfortable, but they're both damn good at their jobs and won't allow any familiarity they have with each other effect them.

It's not until he starts to pat her up and down that she realizes what song is playing: Closer by Nine Inch Nails. "Are you serious with this song?" she asks quietly.

"Yes, serious. Don't worry, this won't be long," he whispers in her ear as he moves behind her, grabbing her hands roughly behind her back. She shivers, and all she think is don't like this, stop liking this.

The sound of Sam's voice in her ear isn't even enough to bring her back to her senses again. "Wonder how many times Deeks has said that before."

"Poor choice of words," Deeks mutters in response.

Kensi can't even speak anymore, because her partner has circled back around in front of her and the curve of his hip is dangerously close to her mouth. Now she's doing everything she can to NOT look him in the eyes so he can't see that she's slightly spellbound by his bare skin. He's so close that she can smell him, a mixture of his usual earthy body wash and sweat that's probably more from his being nervous than actual physical activity.

She's not sure why she's paralyzed at the moment, but she can't move or even think about anything other than the close proximity of Deeks' surprisingly glorious body to her mouth. His eyes are burning holes in the top of her head as he starts to roll his hips to her face and she can't control herself. Her lips instinctively part as if she's inviting him in, and God she's embarrassed but she can't stop herself.

The gentle touch of his hand on the top of her head somewhat breaks the spell. He tilts her head backwards and meets her eyes with a raised brow and a slight smirk on his face before pushing his sunglasses back up. She clamps her mouth shut quickly and he backs away from her, shining the flashlight in her face one more time. "Nope, she's good too. Surely one of you ladies has to be bad, right?"

Exhaling slowly, Kensi slides back into her chair and tries to focus on work: Deeks is moving on to their target, and she needs to watch carefully to know when to make her move. Not that she could tear her eyes away from him anyway. When he asks everyone if it's getting hot in there as he takes his shirt off, she nods excitedly and curses to herself afterwards.

"You okay over there?" Callen asks and she can tell by his tone that he has an evil smirk on his face.

"Fine," she replies tersely. "He's about to, um. Ya know."

"Uh huh."

La Veuve Noire looks enamored with the real life police officer pretending to frisk her rudely. Sam turns around at the door, Callen leans over the bar to catch a glimpse, and Kensi is still in the prime viewing area to watch Deeks work his undercover magic. She realizes that he really did take it easy on her after she sees him stand the woman up, press her down against her chair, and forcefully grab her by the belt loops back against him.

It is that motion that makes Kensi do a double-take. He had just stuck the bug to her belt-loop so quickly that she almost didn't even see it. She can't help but shake her head in amazement; the man definitely has skills. Deeks glances at her briefly and attempts to wink, letting her know that it is her turn to be on display. So she waits for what feels like hours but is probably only about 30 seconds for the Black Widow to make a mistake and touch her dancer. And touch him she did, grabbing his ass with a proud cackle.

"Hey!" Kensi shouts angrily. She's not sure how much of it is real and how much is part of her act. "You can't touch him!"

Deeks throws his hands up and backs away quickly, anticipating the scene about to unfold. Kensi approaches quickly and the Black Widow confronts her angrily. "Pardon?" The woman's accent is thick and her voice husky, adding even more intrigue to her already alluring persona.

"You heard me, bitch," Kensi responds, jabbing a finger into the other woman's shoulder.

That's enough to bring Sam in from his post at the door. "Break it up," he growls, grabbing both of them by the arm and ushering them out the front door. Kensi lunges at the woman and acts like she wants to start something up again once they're outside, so Sam points a finger angrily at her before moving to escort their unsuspecting villain to her car. "I'm sorry ma'am, we just can't have any fighting on the premises. Rules are rules." He smiles apologetically, opens the car door for her, and sprays her with a tracking spray before walking away.

Kensi is still playing the role of rejected patron when Sam returns, sitting on the curb outside the quaint club. "That went pretty well, huh?" she asked upon his return to the door.

"A little too well," Sam answers.

Callen chimes in to their earpieces. "Everything doesn't have to end badly, you know. The Wonder Twins are tracking her now, let's get the hell out of here before I have to see any more naked men."

"Amen," Kensi replies, chuckling with a slight shake in her voice. Deeks is the only team member yet to check in, and it's surprisingly quiet on his end. "Deeks? You good?" Still no answer.

Sam nudges Kensi on her shoulder. "Check on your partner and meet us back at Ops."

"Yeah. Sure." She fakes a smile and walks around to the opposite side of the club, looking for a back entrance to use. But instead of finding a back door she finds her shaggy partner, already changed back into his street clothes, staring into space as he sits on an a large fake boulder close to the back parking lot.

"I'm good," he says without looking at her before she can even ask him how he's doing.

"I know," she responds before turning her earpiece off, leaning next to him against the boulder. "But that's not why I'm here."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She bumps his shoulder with her own. "I paid for a full dance, you still owe me, mister," she teases and is unable to stop the snort that escapes from her nose at her own joke. Hopefully joking about the situation will take both of their minds off of the weirdness currently between them.

Scowling, Deeks turns his head to try to glare at her. "Cute," he says, covering up the smile threatening to cross his lips.

"It's not that bad."

"Easy for you to say."

"Hey, I've been put in compromising situations before," she defends herself.

"Yeah, I know. I was just thinking, that's all. And it's hard to think with Callen and Sam cracking jokes in your ear." Kensi sits next to him silently, letting him decide when they would continue the conversation. "I had this friend, in school. He was the one that actually convinced me to do this for extra money, cause it was hard ya know. Grants and loans can only get you so far and it's not like I had money from family or anything."

He pauses, and she feels the need to break the silence this time. "Good guy?"

"I'm not sure I would say good, but he was a nice guy," Deeks answers, pursing his lips. "Anyway, he got to where he really enjoyed the party life more than school. So he dropped out, and I don't know what happened to him. I was just thinking, man he's gotta be old now, like me. I wonder what he ended up doing with his life."

"Maybe he's like you and is successful because he's good at everything he does, counselor. Or should I say Detective Goodbody." Kensi smiles at him, a real genuine smile, because even though she covered up her compliment with a joke, she really meant what she said.

"Looks like I got a promotion." He smiles back at her and pushes himself up off of the boulder. "But point taken. Thanks."

"Good. Now let's go catch this kinky villainess with the most unoriginal villain name ever known to man."

"Kinky?" Deeks raises an eyebrow as he follows his partner to her SUV. "Don't even pretend like you didn't like this operation just a little bit."

"Please. I'm a professional," Kensi lies through her teeth. "Just another day at work."

"Oh." Deeks pouts. "That's disappointing."

Kensi doesn't really know what he means by that comment, and she's too chicken to ask. "Okay, fine, I kinda liked it. The Tarzan guy was pretty cute."

"Uh huh," he nods in understanding. "Tarzan. Right."

"Yup." She feels her face getting flushed so she turns the ignition in her truck and cranks the air conditioner up to full blast. "How about as soon as we catch the bad guys, we both agree that this entire day never happened."

Deeks slams the door closed and puts his seatbelt on, avoiding looking at his partner. "That sounds like an excellent plan."

They don't mention this operation to each other again, and both pretend that it never happened. But as hard as they may try, neither will ever be able to forget it.


End file.
